Emotional Intelligence

What Are You Hiding?

February 2, 2016 By pixpired

One does not become enlightened by imagining figures of light but by making the darkness conscious. Carl Jung

“What most concerns you about the upcoming team session?” I asked one of my clients. I had been hired by the manager to help the team rebuild trust after a rather messy and complicated situation left many deeply hurt.

“That things will get really emotional and end up being worse.”

“That’s a pretty normal response,” I replied, “but surfacing those emotions in a healthy way will lead to healing and transformation for the team.”

My client looked skeptical but knew that not doing anything was no longer an option as people were avoiding each other and the morale was in the tank.

Dealing with those dark emotions we go to great lengths to hide is indeed uncomfortable. But hiding them leaves us depressed, anxious and stuck (and perhaps broke, overweight and alcoholic, depending upon what you do to keep them hidden!)

The next time you find yourself hiding from a dark emotion, take a moment, breathe, and:

Surface the emotion.
Name it.
Experience it fully – where do you feel it in your body?
Accept it as a part of being human.
Ask yourself “What’s possible from here?”
Consider developing a mantra, like the one I developed in the image above to help you move into those dark emotions.

A big thanks to Lisa Sonora whose 30 day journal challenge led to me developing this mantra and blog.

Transforming dark emotions is at the heart of my book, How to Forgive Your Boss. Visit the website and you can download the first chapter free.

Filed Under: Change, Emotional Intelligence, Forgiveness, spirituality Tagged With: coaching, Happiness, learning, risk taking, teamwork

There’s Always Downward Dog

January 24, 2016 By pixpired

I’ve done several 30 day challenges related to blogging and drawing over the past few years and on January 1, I decided to go in a different direction with yoga.

I chose yoga for 2 reasons, to increase my flexibility and become more mindful, as my past forays into meditation weren’t all that successful! Today, day 24, I came to the following insights:

Yoga slows me down for at least a few minutes every day.
I’m getting out of my head (a big relief trust me!) and into my body.
I do feel more calm, more centered and more optimistic after I’ve done it.
I feel I’ve made progress on something every day which might not be what true yoga practitioners would say is the point of yoga. I have so many big abstract projects, however, that accomplishing this one little thing a day is comforting.

It seems to me these are all great leadership practices as well. Yoga doesn’t have to be your thing but what do you do to slow down, get out of your head, become more centered and make progress everyday?

Filed Under: Emotional Intelligence, engagement, Leadership Tagged With: Happiness, learning

Antidote to Cynicism

December 10, 2015 By pixpired

We had just spent two days with a very diverse group of participants facilitating a Future Search process and had asked for closing comments. I was struck by two of them:

“I am excited by what we have created and feel hope for our future.”

“If you all follow through on the projects we identified, things might change.”

The second comment struck me as somewhat cynical and it got me thinking about what distinguishes hope from cynicism. As I reflected on how these two people had participated in the two days and thought about other situations, four themes emerged:

Own your part – Hopeful people own their role in situations, both the good and the bad, and don’t look to others to “fix things.” Cynical people only own the good, are oblivious to the bad, and expect others to “fix things” for them.

Assume good intent – Hopeful people trust that others are doing the best they can, while cynical people assume others are out to make their lives miserable.

Accept reality – Hopeful people don’t sugarcoat or assume doom and gloom, they accept current circumstances and don’t wish they were different. Cynical people are always searching for some perfect condition that is different from the current one.

Give - Hopeful people give their time, energy and resources to others without condition. Cynical people wait for others to give to them.

As we approach the holiday season, are you hopeful or cynical? Which of these four areas might hold insight for you?

Filed Under: Emotional Intelligence, engagement, Forgiveness, Leadership Tagged With: Happiness, learning

Take a Break from the Backpack

December 4, 2015 By pixpired

Today’s blog is inspired by a recent book, The Best Advice in Six Words, an inspiring and provocative book full of advice from famous and not so famous authors.

The holiday season can be full of unpleasant memories, high expectations and emotional stress. Take a break from that backpack.

Embrace what is possible from there. (Second 6 word advice

Filed Under: decision making, Emotional Intelligence, Forgiveness Tagged With: Happiness, perfectionism

But I Have No Time …

November 5, 2015 By pixpired

“But I have no time,” is something I hear myself and my clients often say in relation to expressed desires about what we’d rather be doing. What I have learned from my 30-day blogging challenge is that by not prioritizing our creativity and making time for it, we just drift through our weeks, and one day jumbles into the next.

When we make time, however, things come together, they fall into place, we complete puzzles. And, according to Amabile and Kramer of The Progress Principle, engagement relates to our ability to see progress everyday.

For people who work on complex, long term projects with lots of moving pieces, doing something tangible every day that nurtures you and your creativity is not a nice to have, it’s a need to have.

Filed Under: Creativity, Emotional Intelligence, Strategy Tagged With: Happiness, risk taking

Silence Is Not A Problem To Solve

October 26, 2015 By pixpired

Learning to manage anxiety in the presence of silence is another insight from the work of Weisbord and Janoff. As they suggest, “We are mindful that each time we break the silence, we deprive someone of a chance to make a valuable observation.” Waiting even 10 seconds will seem like an eternity, but it allows people to experience whatever is happening and come up with insights about what’s next.

Filed Under: communication, decision making, Emotional Intelligence, facilitation, Leadership Tagged With: learning

What Leaders Should Do More Often

October 23, 2015 By pixpired

Today (Friday, October 23, 2015) is Global Champagne Day so there’s no better day to pause, reflect, and celebrate. Here’s to whatever you and your team have created, accomplished, figured out or contributed to this past week.
Cheers!

Filed Under: Emotional Intelligence, engagement Tagged With: Happiness

Thinking with your Hands

March 21, 2014 By dave Leave a Comment

I remember when I was growing up, I had my fingers in everything. I couldn’t help myself. I always had to pick things up, and if I could, I’d take them apart. I remember my Mum pleading with me, “Look with your eyes and not with your fingers”. I was fortunate that I grew up with Lego, Meccano, the most amazing chemistry set, at least two soldering irons, etc. I built my own Scalextric cars, which were pretty good, but were never quite as fast as the best you could buy off the shelf, but that wasn’t the point.

I was also fortunate that I went to a “technical” school after passing the now infamous “11 plus” exam. The school had great labs and workshops, and I was further encouraged to think with my hands, but in a much less creative way. There was no crossover between the subjects. I even remember that “Art Metalwork” and “Engineering Metalwork” were taught by different staff in different workshops. At age 14 I wanted to study car maintenance (remember the Scalextric) … but it wasn’t an option for me as I was on the “academic track”. Slowly but surely I was encouraged to think less and less with my hands.

Now in my early 50s, I’m rediscovering how much fun it is to build stuff. There’s so much going on right now. I’m not sure who’s leading the charge, but the folks at IDEO have been enormously influential, as has Sir Ken Robinson’s TED talk of 2006, which now has over 25 million views. Prototyping, playing and building are key concepts in the plethora of frameworks for innovation and creativity that are being published just now. It’s as if we’re coming out of the dark ages of creativity with a whole bunch of new tools to play with. It’s very exciting.

At a personal level, I have a Raspberry Pi that has opened up a whole new world of stuff to build. I once again own a soldering iron and I have more hand tools than will fit in their box. I’m making stuff again, and my brain is energized. At a professional level, I’m doing some really interesting work with IDEO’s Human Centered Design (HCD) toolkit, and I’m finding inspiration in the increasing interest in workplace innovation. As a society, I’m hoping that we’re entering a renaissance for thinking with your hands. Sorry Mum, I just can’t help myself.

Filed Under: Creativity, Emotional Intelligence, Leadership

Gnarly roots

February 17, 2013 By admin Leave a Comment

While out walking on the beach a month ago, I ran across this fallen tree with the most amazing gnarly roots. It reminded me of the complexity of interpersonal communications on some teams. We sometimes need a lot of patience to unravel issues and get back on the same page.

Filed Under: communication, Emotional Intelligence, Leadership, teams Tagged With: communication, emotional intelligence, Leadership, teamwork, visual blog

Send yourself a Valentine

February 14, 2013 By admin Leave a Comment

While Valentine’s Day is the quintessential couple’s day, I think it’s also a great day to treat ourselves well. It’s more likely we’ll inspire others when we are feeling terrific about ourselves, and this comes with the care and feeding of our own souls.

Filed Under: Emotional Intelligence, Leadership Tagged With: emotional intelligence, Leadership, Valentines Day, visual blog