3 Questions to Rediscover Yourself

 3 Questions to Rediscover Yourself resilience emotional intelligence

“I just can’t get over the fact that my CEO gave the VP role to an outsider who doesn’t have the expertise or experience I have. I’ve been so loyal and have demostrated my value many times over the years.  It’s not fair and it’s turning me into someone I’m not,” one of my clients said to me. It had been almost a year since this had happened and my client was struggling.

“Who do you want to be?” I asked.

There was a long pause. “I honestly don’t know anymore as I’ve been so focused on not getting the promotion I’ve lost my overall sense of purpose in this job.”

We all have setbacks like these and truly resilient people find a way to make meaning of these situations, re-invent themselves and rediscover their overall purpose. So here are three questions to begin that process:

  1. Who are you being right now?
  2. Who do you want to be?
  3. What do you need to give up to be that person?

It took a few sessions but my client realized that she needed to let go of her righteous indignation as it was blocking her from being the confident, creative and strategic person she wanted to be.

For those of you who follow my blog this is the first in a series of posts about resilience which is built around the word PAUSE.  The P in PAUSE stands for:

P – Purpose. We live in a VUCA world (volatile, uncertain, complex, ambiguous) and so it’s easy to forget about the important things and just survive from day to day. Resilient people are clear about their overall purpose in life, whether that is simply to be a kind person, be the best parent ever, look after the earth, contribute to those who are less fortunate or to bring about radical change in the world. Discovering and then living our purpose is a key first step towards resilience.

Getting clear on our purpose is a lifelong continual process of reflection and action. In addition to the three questions posed earlier, I have found these strategies helpful:

  • Know yourself. Resilient people continually learn about themselves, their values, strengths, who they wish to be and what they want to accomplish. There are many ways to do this, including values and personality assessments, getting feedback from others and taking time to reflect.
  • Set goals/intents. During times of turbulence, it’s important to be working towards something bigger. Some people are continually working towards big goals while others prefer to set intents about who they want to be, rather than what they want to accomplish.
  • Plan small wins. Resilient people feel like they are making progress on a daily basis and build small wins into their days so they feel that, even if the major challenges are still there, they feel like they’ve made progress towards something that day.

Take some time to get re-acquainted with your purpose and then watch this space for the A in PAUSE … it’s something that almost everyone who works in resilience talks about!

There’s no bad weather.

 Theres no bad weather. resilience emotional intelligence
“There’s no bad weather, there’s only inappropriate clothing,” my sister reminded me during a winter outing in Alberta. 

“And a crappy attitude towards winter,” I thought as I watched her family play excitedly in the snow in their backyard while I stood in the doorway whining about how much I hated winter.

Given that I had moved to a warmer climate many years earlier, my clothing at the moment sucked, as did my attitude. My lack of weather resilience during the winter was one of the factors that prompted my move.

We are living in bad weather right now, if not literally wherever you are right now, then certainly figuratively. These are unpredictable times where “that could never happen” is indeed happening. Since most of us cannot control or influence much of that bad weather, we are left with donning appropriate clothing and attitudes.

This is the realm of personal resilience, the ability to thrive in the midst of any kind of situation.  Thankfully I have developed a fair bit of personal resilience over the years, even if I still do struggle with winter. 

Perhaps the first key to resilience is recognition that your life doesn’t have to be determined by what’s happening around you. We need to take a pause, and consider our path forward. My question to you is, “what clothing do you need right now to manage the weather?”

For more tips and strategies on personal resilience, it’s not too late to sign up for my online course which starts this week.

And watch this space as I will be revealing the 5 factors I consider central to personal resilience in 5 separate blogs over the next few weeks.

Season’s Greetings!!

 Seasons Greetings!! uncategorized
I wish you and yours a wonderful holiday season and a happy, healthy and abundant 2017. Thanks for your support and interest in my blogging! All the best for the season – Tammy 

On Empathy

 On Empathy learning leadership emotional intelligence coaching
“But what if I really don’t care if my co-worker’s dog died? I am so not a dog person and don’t get all this pet stuff that people get into. I get that empathy is important but if I’m not feeling it, wouldn’t it be worse if I faked it?”

Touché. I had been facilitating a workshop on emotional intelligence and was talking about one of the important qualities for leaders, empathy. It was a great question and a challenge shared by other leaders I’ve worked with.

Empathy doesn’t mean total identification with someone’s specific experience, but rather recognition of the human experience of suffering. If we can get in touch with times we’ve suffered – experienced loss, sadness, loneliness – then we can use that experience to connect to another person and express empathy authentically.

Getting Over Procrastination

 Getting Over Procrastination perfectionism learning happiness emotional intelligence decision making change

I can be a procrastinator at times (even about things I want to do!) and have been thinking about the combination of things that leads me to procrastinate and how I might address that. I realized that it`s the intersection of three things … thinking that whatever I need to do is too big, too hard and that I have to do it all at once. I love blogging, for example, but if you have been following my blog you know I go through periods of regular blogging followed by no blogs for months!

I realized this past fall (after not having blogged for over six months!) that these three things were at play. So I was able to start again by telling myself to spend 10 minutes just thinking about the blog, even if I didn`t do anything else with it that day. Well, to my amazement I did an entire blog that day!

I have a work project right now that feels too big and too hard and so I am reminding myself of bigger and harder projects I have done. Then, I am committing 10 minutes towards the project. This combination seems to be working for me for now!

What are your patterns of procrastination and how have you deal with them?